10 on 10 in February

10 on 10feb1

7:00 woke up to this little happy guy and have no idea how he got into my bed!

8:00 took our 5 year old to pre-school

9:00 shopping with just 3 kids is so easy. we did some of our monthly shopping in less then an hour!

10:00 making our baby wipes

11:00 lunch

12:00 snuggling with a sick little one.. those eyes!

10 on10 feb2

1:00 we homeschool so once the baby was settled we jumped into 5th grade math

2:00 snack time

3:00 time to feed the baby

4:00 found some of my kids making their own V-day cards to mom and dad!

I love doing this photo project. some months I don’t get the chance to do it, but today I did. i’m linking up with A bit of sunshine.

 

weeks 1-4

week1finished

we ended 2014  by gong to our church for there new years Eve prayer service. Then headed home to stay up late. some of the kids made it others did not but came close!

Jacob took me out for  few hours for my birthday. It was really nice to just get out with him and Lucas.

Matthew turned 5  on December 30th but the weather turned on us and no one who was invited showed up for his birthday so our neighbors came to the rescue and he was able to enjoy a small party!

week2

January 4th-10.

brought us to celebrate our last of  7 birthdays until June.  Josiah turned 11!  praying this will be the year that Josiah grows spiritually and find his own relationship with his creator. God has great plans for him.

 

week3

WEEK 3

He started baby cereal already and loved it! Each day we are reminded of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

week4

Week 4

For those of you who are stumbling upon my blog, this week brings us to a little update. Back n June of 2013 I found myself pregnant. though we thought we were done and that our family was complete we were excited. it was  very busy time with prep work for VBS. I found myself staying up late and getting up early. As soon as I found out that we were expecting again I forced myself to go to bed earlier. I tried hard to do all the “right” stuff and one morning I began to show signs of a miscarriage, A road I had never gone down before and one in which I wish upon no one. We went to the doctors to make sure everything was okay. at just 9 weeks we saw a heartbeat. Something that would confirm there was life. the very next day Jesus would call our little baby home.

I was crushed but had to try and hold it together and be strong, after all we had other children who needed me as well.  Lets just say I took a lot of showers during the day. it was during those showers I would cry out to God asking for strength and understanding. He gave me strength  and somehow he got me through it with out understanding.

My husband and I asked a neighbor to watch our other children so that we could bury our littlest one right outside our home. We needed to be able to have some kind of closure. so On August 1 we sad our good-bys just me and him, knowing that one day our other children would know.

then again in October we found out I was expecting. 5 weeks later I would miscarry.  I began wondering why, why again, why to us. what was wrong with me. all those thoughts of guilt. All I wanted to do was feel the baby move, wanted to be uncomfortable, wanted to tell our other children that we were going to have another baby, wanted to see the excitement on their faces. BUT at the same time I knew God was in control. I knew He had a plan. for Jeremiah 29:11 tell us,

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you!”

I also knew that God was still on the throne and that He has my hearts desire in his hands. I was trying HARD to do what Proverbs 3:5 says

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;fear the LORD and shun evil.

I was a grieving mom who knew God was still there and was still in control.

In January 2014 we would get pregnant for the third time. I knew in my heart that GOd was asking of me to trust in him alone. Though I was scared or nervous that I may have a third miscarriage I know that God was telling me to cry out to him and then when he answered I would know that He heard me. so instead of asking for prayer from others I cried out to the Lord and he answered! God allowed us to carry to 37 weeks and one day!  we named him Lucas which means “light-giving” or “illumination.”  God  had taken us through a very dark time but we got victory.  His light was shining!

I knew in my heart that our other children needed to know that they indeed had two siblings waiting for them up in Heaven. But at the same time I knew I wasn’t strong enough to tell them just yet.  But I wanted them to know how awesome God was and is. How far God had brought me and their family.

On January 20th we told the children of how God had called two babies home before they were born. My kids were sad but not angry at God for taking them.  we told them how far we were and showed them what they looked like. where we placed one of them outside. We had the boys name one and the girls name one. so they went their separate ways to decide on names. the boys came up with Joseph and the girls gave the name Mary.  and each didn’t know what the others choose! So we now have a Mary and Joseph H.  It was as though Jesus himself smiled down on this mom. letting me know yes God still knows and sees my heart!

 

 

 

One year ago today

one year ago today we watched as your little heart beat fluttered on the screen. i prayed so hard you’d be okay but God new best. Knowing you were there made it all so surreal. watching your heartbeat, hoping for the best. Praying God wold carry us through. No matter what the end result wold be I knew that I knew God was in control and there was not a single thing i could do but pray.  Pray i did for you for what was best for you. Even in the smallest details I saw God answer in his own way. you would meet him one year ago tomorrow.

There isn’t a day that goes by when i don’t think about who you would have been and who you are today. Running around in heaven playing with great grandparents and your cousin Michael and aunt Faith and your brother or sister. You rest in your Creators arms, something i would never want to change.  I dream of what life would be like and then remember God has answered my hearts cry to feel movement from inside. Not to replace you because no one ever could. Somehow it helps in the healing process. just like Hannah in the Bible, God answered her prayers and opened her womb and she was blessed and called him Samuel.

One day soon your brothers and sisters will know you were here, even if it was for a short time.  You brought so much joy and we had a bond that no one else will be able to share not even daddy. I can’t wait to see who you have become.

Just like i prayed with Sarah, God gives and he takes away but my heart will choose to say, ‘Blessed it be your name” through the the pain God still remains. What the enemy meant for evil God has turned it around for His Glory. 

God has brought healing and i know that he has a plan so I walk with my hand in his as he holds you and  leads the way.

You are missed and loved Baby H.